Just last month, my girls fell ill, struck by the stomach flu, and were throwing up and crippled with a very bad case of tummy ache. And when I thought it was gonna be over, I too was struck. I was cleaning up their vomitus when I felt a bit sick and thought little of it…then I spent the whole night, managing my tummy ache. It was an awful period. Thank God, the husband was around to help me and the girls. The pain was so bad, we couldn’t get out of bed…worse than being in labour, at least I could still walk during labour (when my cervix dilated to 6cm). Do we get more viruses here in Singapore than say a cooler climate country?
Now that is over, I seem to be crippled with fear…or a phobia of some kind. For starters, I am afraid of going near people, afraid of establishing close friendships. I think my mind is unwell but I pray that this will disappear because it is definitely not from God. I have also been thinking of uprooting myself out of sunny Singapore but that seems irrational to the husband. Besides believing that I am born in the wrong country, there are many reasons why the girls and I should really move to the Northern Hemisphere and forgoing Mandarin (for the girls) is definitely a good reason. Just why do kids have to excel in all academic subjects but fail in social behavior and being civic-minded? To me, sending my child to excel in any subject at 5 years old is a good start but not necessary. What’s more important is that she learns to clear her tray at a food court, help a stranger, speak up for the helpless and be gracious to hold the lift door. Honestly, I think it’ll be difficult to find a soul here in Singapore to do all that. Not impossible but difficult. One reason is that chivalry is dead, long dead! Did I mention that when I was eight months pregnant I had to give way to a young man when I was walking down a flight of stairs? He was shameless and oblivious to what happened and I am not a petit person, even a blind person can “see” that I was pregnant! But as I’m writing this, I feel an urge to forgive him :)
Maybe I was just born in the wrong country, really.