Born in the wrong country

Just last month, my girls fell ill, struck by the stomach flu, and were throwing up and crippled with a very bad case of tummy ache. And when I thought it was gonna be over, I too was struck. I was cleaning up their vomitus when I felt a bit sick and thought little of it…then I spent the whole night, managing my tummy ache. It was an awful period. Thank God, the husband was around to help me and the girls. The pain was so bad, we couldn’t get out of bed…worse than being in labour, at least I could still walk during labour (when my cervix dilated to 6cm). Do we get more viruses here in Singapore than say a cooler climate country?

Now that is over, I seem to be crippled with fear…or a phobia of some kind. For starters, I am afraid of going near people, afraid of establishing close friendships. I think my mind is unwell but I pray that this will disappear because it is definitely not from God. I have also been thinking of uprooting myself out of sunny Singapore but that seems irrational to the husband. Besides believing that I am born in the wrong country, there are many reasons why the girls and I should really move to the Northern Hemisphere and forgoing Mandarin (for the girls) is definitely a good reason. Just why do kids have to excel  in all academic subjects but fail in social behavior and being civic-minded? To me, sending my child to excel in any subject at 5 years old is a good start but not necessary. What’s more important is that she learns to clear her tray at a food court, help a stranger, speak up for the helpless and be gracious to hold the lift door. Honestly, I think it’ll be difficult to find a soul here in Singapore to do all that. Not impossible but difficult. One reason is that chivalry is dead, long dead! Did I mention that when I was eight months pregnant I had to give way to a young man when I was walking down a flight of stairs? He was shameless and oblivious to what happened and I am not a petit person, even a blind person can “see” that I was pregnant! But as I’m writing this, I feel an urge to forgive him :)

Maybe I was just born in the wrong country, really.

Over the weeks…

I have been going through a lot of thinking lately and mostly on life and changes. I think I was looking glum…then one day my little angel (Beatrice) came and tell me,”Mommy, it’s okay.  Jesus loves you.”

I have also started a wipeout of my old clothes & undergarments. My metabolic rate is slower than before, or should I say it appears that it doesn’t exist! My love handles have grown so huge and my belly is hanging out unsightly that hip hugger style panties won’t help. Instead of going for a lap band surgery, I bought some CONTROL…panties, that is. Light control panties from M&S, $9.99 girdles from Giant and all. And I am pleased with the results.

Papee bonding with his little girl…

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Always ready for the camera.

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Now that we’re near the beach, it’s not an excuse not to dine at the food centre nearby…

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Outside Millennia Walk…
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Dining at Garden Slug…
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I also brought the girls for a trim at a salon in Far East Plaza…

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Look at Grandma’s head popping to spy on this little one…
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It was also time to renew someone’s passport…

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I am amazed at how much she has changed…

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And now, we’re all ready to be citizens of the world! Hahahaha!

In the past months…

I used to write a “Over the Weekend” post every now & then and since I’m getting a lazy these days, I might as well change it to “In the Past Months”…

It has been over three months that we’ve moved to our new place and nothing seems to be ever done completely. There is always a space for a new piece of furniture and the plants need to be replaced and blah, blah, blah and we are always procrastinating. I want to be more proactive! Oh but there’s one thing that we do not ever procrastinate- enjoy life (嘆世界)!

Been using the outdoor space we have…ALOT!!!

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Cute cheeses from Holland…

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And my love…

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My Burnt Pizza

I had the great privilege to have my good friend over for lunch and I had to burn the pizza!

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Pretty flowers to accompany the all-women lunch date.

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And this little girl is changing so much these days. She has become more matured, more sensitive and also more assertive.

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After her ballet class and feasting on burnt pizza.

Know your kids friends

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Getting to know my kids is important. After reading the 5 love languages, I’ve come to know that we all have different love languages that we use different ones to show love and to receive love. There’ll be one (or two) type of love language (s) that is dominant than the others and that’s how we love others and see how others love us. That’s the same for our children. Not only that, I have read that I need to give them a complete love (an ingredient mentioned in ‘Grace Based Parenting‘, by Dr. Tim Kimmel) that will make them confident to enter the adult world.

Along the way, it also daunted on me that it is also important I get to know their friends. Well, you may say that I am one paranoid mother but I can tell you that it is not for nothing. Perhaps, it will be more timely to know their friends when our children hit their teenage years. But in some playdates that my girls have been in, I have picked up certain behaviors that were not normal and disturbing if I may say.

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In one particular playdate, there was a boy who didn’t want B to sit on a chair. My husband then asked him where can B sit. His answer: Sit downstairs. And here we are in his home, an apartment, so downstairs meant at the void deck, out of his home. I can only imagine how his parents talk to each other and to him. The word “rude” just kept replying in my head. Children have a good sense of things around them; for starters they know when you are angry. And this boy I’m talking about is an intelligent one, he is one who knows what to say to sweeten your day. And he is aware that his suggestion for B to sit downstairs, was not a polite one; he simply was not gracious and rude. Also, he would not say that in front of his mother. Then there’s another child I know who has anger issues and is always seen shouting and pouting. Now, that’s just the tip of the iceberg; this child has on several occasions asked me to buy toys for her, give her something from my home and even asked B to get me to buy her a dress that B was wearing. I find that very strange. Why would a child asked another adult, not her parents, to buy her things? I suspect that the physical abuse she has endured caused her behavior and she probably doesn’t feel enough love from her parents and is seeking affirmation and love from another adult, from elsewhere. And these are not mere speculations but observations I have made when interacting with the parents and the child.

Let me share a case study:

A father commits adultery and the mother shares it with her children. The parents also quarrel in front of the kids and sometimes even get violent with each other. The older son starts to have anger issues and is always angry. He tells his teacher that he doesn’t know why he is always angry.

I think the lesson learnt here is having the wisdom to share it with the right person, and sharing with your children is definitely not the wisest thing to do. Children at a young age will not understand the dynamics of your relationship and how and why it failed. I mean the mother had inevitably created an angry person in her son, who should have been given the revelation of his parent’s problems at a later more matured age. Also, he does not need the details of his father’s affair.

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We will disagree with our spouses from time to time. While it is good to avoid quarreling in front of the children if we can help it, I believe that it is just as important to apologize to your spouse in front of them if you had quarreled in front of them. I believe this will encourage them to apologize when they have made mistakes.

I am no expert on parenting but I would just like to share some things I’ve seen & learnt. I think it is very important to know who your kids are hanging out with. You may have trained them well, with proper upbringing but they will end up spending more time with their friends as they grow up and the values imparted must be the right ones lest they fall into the wrong path of their not-so-healthy friends. For example, they might be influenced by their circle of friends with unhealthy habits, unmoral values and etc. As for my kids’ friends at this moment, I monitor their interactions and try to keep a close watch of their conversations as well. I have also explained to them that it is wrong to ask for gifts from another adult. While I’m not stopping them from playing with angry, diabolical kids, I want to teach them how to handle them just like how they should stand up to bullies, I will not hesitate to stop playdates with angry kids for one reason- conflict with the parents. So do share with me your experiences.

Water Playground @ I12 Katong

I brought the girls to the Water Playground at I12 Katong after months of saying I would…

 

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If you’re a coffee addict like me, I’d suggest you grab one cuppa from Gloria Jean or Toastbox before heading to the Water Playground. We were there for an hour and the girls were satisfied before we had our lunch at Pepper Lunch. It is a great way to start our morning and I’m sure it will be for most mommies with active kids!